I’m not typically in the business of creating infographics; however, I’ve been thinking a lot about the direction in which I would like to go as a creator, so I decided to design something that would explain the shift that’s been taking place in my content for quite sometime now. This is what I came up with:
When I began this blog and when I entered the social media landscape as Cornflower Girl, I did not set out to be an Autistic Creator. I did set out to produce content to which others could relate, which would, hopefully, facilitate catharsis for wounded souls in need of balm, like my own. I began creating content for online consumption long before I ever realized I am Actually Autistic. It all began with a novel project, which I have referenced from time to time within these pages, and while I’ve shelved that particular endeavor (for who knows how long?) it did play a necessary role in my personal evolution.
When I embarked on that mission, I was still enmeshed with my abusive family of origin, as well as toxic religious circles, so for me, the act of writing something symbolic and metaphorical allowed me to work out past trauma without directly confronting my abusers. Then, TikTok happened. I began to share stories of the emotional, sexual, and religious abuse I’d endured. At this point, I’d abandoned church and faith, but not my family.
Around this time last year, my parents viewed my YouTube content. I’d begun to create longer videos as companions to the minute long TikTok accounts, and while I knew my dad subscribed to my channel, I didn’t think he was actively viewing. My mother confronted me–she attacked me, actually. She wanted me to cease and desist. My parents accused me of many terrible things, and since then, I cut contact with them, for the most part, leaving only the open window of text communication with my dad, in the event of an emergency.
While my progress on the novel halted, it served great purpose in the arch of my development. Prior to the confrontation with my parents, it was a tool of catharsis–a way of re-imagining the narrative of my existence without holding my abusers accountable. Post confrontation, however, it became irrelevant, because moving forward, my short form videos on TikTok and longer series on YouTube, empowered me to speak my reality, without veiled language–without inhibition. In so doing, I’ve finally acknowledged, accepted, and embraced the truth of who I am–who I have been all along.
Autism is the thread that winds through all. My autistic nature has always been at odds with the world around me. This is the foundation of my experience, from early childhood trauma to teen sexual assault and religious abuse. The relating factor in all of these is my inherent nature, which was absolutely exploited by my parents, former romantic partners, and former church communities. These individuals and institutions manipulated my nature for personal gain, while demeaning and rebuking those traits which they could not suppress.
They bent me to their will, and when they couldn’t, they condemned me.
It is through this self discovery that I’ve decided to focus my creativity on the overarching theme of Autism going forward. All of the other topics of interest–religion, dysfunctional family dynamics, sexual abuse–fall under this umbrella, and while I will certainly address them, still, my main focus will be to support Autistic Humans through the education and evangelism of Allistics, as well as by presenting my Autistic and Neurodivergent comrades with opportunities for continued catharsis and personal growth.
You can expect more videos–short and long form–about my experience as an undiagnosed Autistic human, as well as my experience as an Autistic parent raising two Autistic children of my own. I plan to continue sharing on TikTok and Instagram, and I hope to invigorate my YouTube channel with a new series on the varied presentation of Autistic traits in myself and my two children.
It is my hope that you will stick around for all!