Bonus Inauguration Day Content

I felt inspired to create this video this morning. I wore red, white, and blue today, with great pride, which is something I don’t think I have ever done with intention as an adult. I feel proud to be an American today, and I am hopeful that we have turned a corner as a nation, with the inauguration of President Biden and Vice President Harris, and the removal of 45. Enjoy!

The Good, The Bad, and The In Between

Now that I’ve committed to the decision to bow out of the TikTok community, I have begun (as per my typical response to opportunities terminated) to deconstruct the entire experience. With that said, I created a video for IGTV and YouTube that explains how I achieved success on the platform, and why I refuse to continue doing what is necessary in order to sustain that form of success.

Planning my TikTok Exit

I’ve been on TikTok for just under a year, and while I enjoyed tremendous growth and success for the first four to five months, since then, my account has suffered ample follower loss (which I think, in most cases is a result of app “cleaning”) and repeated suppressions, which prevent my content from being sent out to the “For You Page,” of followers and new accounts, alike.

2021 Vision

When I began my website, and when I began producing video content, I was far along my journey of religious deconstruction. I’d begun studying philosophy and psychoanalysis and I wanted a medium through which I could process new insights–to analyze my past experience and to reconstruct the narrative of my existence.

Writing–creating–became a rite of exorcism as I purged my psyche and the demons writhed across the lines.

My website, in particular, and the act of creating, generally, has always been primarily for me–for catharsis and for healing.

Benjamin Bloom identified evaluation as the highest level of intellectual behavior for learning. When we evaluate, we appraise, we judge, we assess, we defend, but it isn’t enough to do these within the confines of the mind. The production of something tangible–the act of producing, itself–deepens understanding and certifies absorption by the psyche of all we’ve dismantled, analyzed, critiqued, and reconstructed. The act of creating anchors insight. Anchored insight emboldens resolve, and bold resolve affirms conviction, which is absolutely necessary for the birth of authentic ethics.

Authentic ethics is my ultimate goal.

This year, I endeavor to honor my roots–by producing content with this sublime goal in mind.

I intend to shift my focus away from social media and onto my website–not to abandon social media altogether–but to produce content for my internet home that aligns with my original intent.

Last year, I lost sight of my true purpose. Platforms and algorithms have a way of diluting content by imposing artificial standards on creators. I’ve allowed “the algorithm,” in all its varied manifestations, to shape the arc of my creation, and it is my aim to abandon that error.

Going forward, I will focus my efforts on producing what I want to produce for my website (my platform), and when it is appropriate, I will share what I can to social media. I am permitting myself to be the author of my own destiny, and it is my hope that you’ll visit from time to time and find respite and refreshment when you do.

The Dollhouse

As an autistic person, I often struggle to understand the origins of my feelings, in spite of the fact that they overwhelm me. Creating content like this helps me understand myself better. It helps me to reframe the narrative of my experience, contextualizing all within the landscape of family dysfunction, and the disconnect between my experience and my parents’ perception of me.

So you Love someone who is Neurodivergent…How do you do it Well?

I too long wobbled along the tight rope between the will of my parents (which, let’s face it, is really very neuro-normative in nature) and my natural instincts. Before having children, the only victim of my deference was myself. Now, however, the stakes are higher. When faced with a choice to honor the will of my parents versus my own, I’ve historically chosen their will. As a parent, the choice to honor my will extends to my children. In other words, my will is to offer my children grace and mercy–to love them without condition. In contrast, the will of my parents is to have grandchildren that behave like little angels, to have interactions with their child (me) and grandchildren without opposition. Yet when a child is neurodivergent, behaviors often erupt, which closely resemble defiance or rebellion. When alone with my children, I mollify these behaviors through empathic response, but when my parents are around, I feel external pressure to hide these behaviors, or quash them, for the sake of my parents’ comfort. As you can see, the result is betrayal; first, of myself; next, of my kids.