My favorite indulgence, along this creative journey, is the experience of music. Patrons of Cornflower Girl at Patreon.com/CornflowerGirl have access to private YouTube and Spotify links containing playlists, curated by yours truly, with songs that motivate and inspire my creative endeavors. When I add a song to my playlists, I provide a reflection, explaining its significance to my creative process. Today, I would like to share a reflection about one of my selected tracks, with you–my growing audience.

At the beginning of 2018, I began a personal blog for the purpose of processing deeply embedded trauma from my past. Through narrative, I revealed intimate details of my experience as a sexual assault survivor. The activity of writing–of expulsion–fostered healing in my soul. You can view a reading/dramatic enactment of one of my posts here. After writing a handful of posts, I abandoned the blog, feeling it served its purpose in my therapeutic journey.

This is my own dramatic reading of a post I wrote on my old blog…

Repressed within was a longing to write a novel. After setting aside my trauma blog, I realized those entries would form the bedrock of a passion project. I realized my writing bloomed when fertilized by uprooted feeling, so I began to brainstorm universal ideas that could potentially, metaphorically, represent my particular experience. You can read about that process in my Patreon post called “It all Started with a Bat…

Photo: Idam Ogam on Unsplash

Cake’s version of Gloria Gaynard’s hit, “I Will Survive,” became a song I played on repeat during the first few months of embarking on my novel project. The song invigorated the passion fueling my work. This particular cover is significant to me because it became popular during the trauma years, and while Gloria Gaynard disapproves of the band’s use of profanity in the song, I have found that bit particularly cathartic.

The song enables catharsis for me because while the abuse occurred nearly 20 years ago, the scars still ache from time to time. Thus, I can sing along as though I am speaking, not only to my abuser, but also to the inevitable life experiences and interactions with toxic people that tend to open the wounds anew. I offer this song to you, my audience, and together, we can sing of our survival. Come along with Cornflower Girl! We may be wilted, but we’re certainly not crushed, so let’s extend our petals sun-ward yet again!

I’ma lip sync this song like the corny(flower) fool that I am!

About Author

Standing ground for desire through self-study of philosophy and psychoanalysis, self-reflection, and creative sublimation through the work of literary fiction.

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