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The Autistic OS: Episode 1

I promised I would shift my creative energies towards Autistic Advocacy. With that said, please enjoy this, the first episode of my new YouTube series, The Autistic OS. This episode concerns autistic social communication, specifically, in the area of social reciprocity.

Going Forward

When I began this blog and when I entered the social media landscape as Cornflower Girl, I did not set out to be an Autistic Creator. I did set out to produce content to which others could relate, which would, hopefully, facilitate catharsis for wounded souls in need of balm, like my own. I began creating content for online consumption long before I ever realized I am Actually Autistic. It all began with a novel project, which I have referenced from time to time within these pages, and while I’ve shelved that particular endeavor (for who knows how long?) it did play a necessary role in my personal evolution.

The Elephant in the Dance Studio

You can listen to the third episode of my new podcast, Surviving the Shit, by clicking above. TRIGGER WARNING: this one regards eating disorders. I analyze my own experience through a psychoanalytic lens, within the context of my growing awareness of autism and my life experience as a human on the spectrum.

Meltdowns

There are parts of my personality and existence for which I’ve felt inordinate shame. These are things I’ve long repressed, pretending they were never actually part of my lived experience.Receiving my autism diagnosis has forced me to confront and scrutinize these. Today, I need to talk about meltdowns.

Abhorrent Academics

In undergrad, after I settled on English Lit as my major, my university experience greatly improved. Prior to this, I’d declared business as my major and my academic performance was shoddy, at best, in this course of study. Yet in Literature and Humanities classes, I outperformed all my peers and while I rarely contributed to class discussions, my teachers treated me like a genius after reading my written work.

Intellectual Inconsistency

For starters, I did a poor job of preparing for the test. I owned a practice assessment book, but I just could not engage with the strategically abstract nature of the content. Needless to say, I didn’t spend all that much time preparing. To read the practice manual was, for me, like reading a foreign language. It exhausted me and triggered tension headaches.

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

ADHD. Autism. I was trained to fear both of these. In the earliest parenting days, I remember adjusting my mode of operation, because of the fear that my kids would develop either condition. This is because in today’s world, the narrative surrounding them includes fear mongering and coercion. We are told–wrongly–of a causal link between vaccines and autism–screen time and ADHD. In truth, both of these conditions have been found to be genetic.