Dictionary.com defines motley as first, an adjective, “exhibiting great diversity of elements,” and second, a noun, “a medley.” I claim …
As an autistic person, I often struggle to understand the origins of my feelings, in spite of the fact that they overwhelm me. Creating content like this helps me understand myself better. It helps me to reframe the narrative of my experience, contextualizing all within the landscape of family dysfunction, and the disconnect between my experience and my parents’ perception of me.
To look at me now, it is obvious that I am an all around nonconformist, but I have not always been this way. In fact, my ability to give no f*** is a newly developed skill.
I feel as though I am caught up within the vortex of a whirlwind these days. Last week, I labored to prepare my kids for the start of our remote learning school year, and this week, we’ve begun. Yet, just after the first morning’s classes, my youngest discovered a boil on her gum, so she had to have an emergency tooth extraction this morning. What a way to begin an already strange and uncertain year!
You can listen to the third episode of my new podcast, Surviving the Shit, by clicking above. TRIGGER WARNING: this one regards eating disorders. I analyze my own experience through a psychoanalytic lens, within the context of my growing awareness of autism and my life experience as a human on the spectrum.
Such neurotypical world bleeds in black and white, but we neurodivergent humans are considered a spectrum for good cause. There is middle ground. We can learn to make use of offensive hygienic commodities by finding those least offensive to our tastes, but our neurotypical friends and family should meet us halfway by advocating for us, instead of against us–forcing us to suppress our legitimate concerns and discomfort for the sake of their own.
Wanna know how I Survived the Shit?! I finally, after a million years, recognized that it came from someone else to begin with! Don’t get me wrong–I am a firm believer in taking personal responsibility for my own actions–but personal responsibility does not require accepting responsibility for things others do to me.
There are parts of my personality and existence for which I’ve felt inordinate shame. These are things I’ve long repressed, pretending they were never actually part of my lived experience.Receiving my autism diagnosis has forced me to confront and scrutinize these. Today, I need to talk about meltdowns.
I am overwhelmed–but in a good way today. Still, overwhelm has me grasping for language I cannot adequately access. So, watch my vlog…
In undergrad, after I settled on English Lit as my major, my university experience greatly improved. Prior to this, I’d declared business as my major and my academic performance was shoddy, at best, in this course of study. Yet in Literature and Humanities classes, I outperformed all my peers and while I rarely contributed to class discussions, my teachers treated me like a genius after reading my written work.