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The Nightmare on Auti Street

I endured an online cancel campaign. I now feel demoralized because I know I did nothing wrong, and I am convinced that the leaders of the cancel campaigns were led by unethical motives. Consequently, I’ve grown exceedingly suspicious of woke culture, identity politics, anti-racism activism, and CRT. Together with bad actors motivated by greed for power, they have been utilized as weapons of civic discord.

The Dollhouse

As an autistic person, I often struggle to understand the origins of my feelings, in spite of the fact that they overwhelm me. Creating content like this helps me understand myself better. It helps me to reframe the narrative of my experience, contextualizing all within the landscape of family dysfunction, and the disconnect between my experience and my parents’ perception of me.

I Didn’t Want To

Explaining my reasons (for not wanting to) proved futile, and he only used them against me (via the aforementioned gaslighting). However, as I process the trauma, I find it cathartic to delineate, for no one other than myself (and perhaps others who may relate) what my reasons were because I find it affirming. When I articulate why I protested against any sexual activity, I realize the depth of betrayal, the intensity of psychological torment, and the feelings of hopelessness I bore throughout those hellacious years. It empowers present day Me to nurture and comfort the past Me because past Me endured it all in isolation, alienated from my peers, terrified of my family, and wracked with guilt and shame.

Defining R^p3

The social medias really do not want me to share this information, but I believe it is vital to victims’—to survivors’—recovery from sexual trauma. Had I access to this information when I was 16, I may have ended my relationship with my abuser much sooner. I may have mitigated some of the traumatic impact of that relationship. Had I access to this information at 20, I may have begun to recover from the trauma then (rather than in my 30s), because I’d have had language to articulate my experiences, and it is only through the external articulation of trauma that we find healing.

Families, Beliefs, and Identity

Beliefs shape identity, but families shape beliefs. I suspect this is why Freud, and Lacan who followed, asserted that we are all divided subjects. We think we know who we are, but identity is enveloped in our interpretations of the perceptions others have of us. Where is the agency in that?

An Impotent Talisman

When gripped by terror and anxious ruminations regarding the risk of my automotive travels, mom settled on what she deemed the only solution. Were my mom’s intent to actually protect her child, as opposed to simply mollify her own disquiet, perhaps, she’d have considered other options.

Fear Vs Reason

I enrolled in college at 17. My parents refused to allow me to live on campus. They let me choose between two universities within driving distance from our home; I selected Nicholls State University, in Thibodaux, Louisiana. It was a 45 minute commute, through cane fields, and along the banks of the bayou.